Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Confession: I'm the other woman!

I've become the other woman in my current relationship. Please don't feel sorry for me. I chose this position from the beginning. I met my lover/friend earlier this year. We both worked at the same company and he persistently pursued me until I gave in. Now when I first started seeing him, the basis of our relationship was that he would provide material needs for me, take me out to eat at nice restaurants, drive me around when I needed a chauffeur, give me money when I asked and just be there as a friend. Now all of that sounds good because I had yet to have sex with the man. After 2 months of just talking on the phone, having lunch and dinner together we finally got together to do it. And it was good. We became more than just friends almost immediately after that. The power that I thought I held started to diminish then but I wasn't aware of that then.

Of course he let me know in the beginning that he had a girlfriend, but I didn't care because I knew that it would never be a case of me falling for him. He was only good for material things and dinner, right? Wrong! We began to spend oodles and oodles of time together. So much in fact I needed to find out exactly where he so called girlfriend was as he constantly seemed to be with me. He gave me some story about her being in school, but I don't believe it to this day. But this is about me, so back to the story. Right now we are about 10 months into the relationship and I've realized that I'm in love with the man. So now what do I do?

I know that I should have never gotten this close to him. I should have stayed going out all the time, I should have stayed in better contact with my friends, I should have dated other men while still seeing him. But I did none of those things and now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I want this man in my life but then again I can't stand not being able to see him when I want to or not being able to talk to him when I want to.

Well to answer your question, I'm still seeing him. I've tried to break up with him several time but it's very difficult. Especially since he's extremely convincing and incredibly sweet. I love him, it's as simple as that. I know what I need to do because if I stop seeing him I would have to completely erase him out of my life and that would be drastic to say the least, what I have to do is to start seeing someone else. I need a distraction. Any takers???


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know where you are coming from i'm currently in the same situation right now. I knew he had a girlfriend ,but i still decided to be with him. We have been friends for over a year and we didn't get do the deed until the end of last year in December. Now we are having it everything he gets the chance to see me which had only been like three times. Trust me its good and I just want it all to myself I don't want to share it with anybody because I'm not sharing myself with anybody. Yes I truly care about him alot but i want admitted to it being love. He cares for me in some ways but sometimes I feel as if I need to stop this situation but don't do it. I think about him all the time. I'm scared to share these feelings with him thinking he will cut it off. -thanks
if you have comments just write to me.

4:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You guys are making me nervous...I just began a relationship with a guy who has a girlfriend. We met and became friends and I didn't know he had one and he didn't tell me until I asked because someone told me...We were both attracted and made plans to meet, we have been sleeping together for about a month...we are friends still and talk about shared interests but it's mostly sex. He says his girl and him have a great mental relationship but she's not into sex. I think he's in denial because he wouldn't be doing this if the relationship was good but whatever. We've talked about it a bit. I kind of get the feeling that I should end it because I don't want to fall for him. We have fun together and he's a cool guy and I could see myself liking him and I think I'm starting to but I'm smart enough to know that he's probably not going to leave his girlfriend because they live together first of all and I don't know if I would want him to because if he cheated on her...he would cheat on me. That's the harsh truth. I think you both need to get out of it. You're just going to get hurt worse in the end and you're going to waste more time with a guy that you will never be with or be with and not be able to trust...Sometimes it's better to make decisions with your mind rather than emotion.

3:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's tough to say the least. I got involved with a married man about 2 years ago. He has ben faithfully maried for 27 years until i showed up. To make a long story short....he left his wife and family for me. We are together, happy for the most part. But there are major struggles. Struggles we didn't even consider when getting into this love mess. I'm currently dealing with the gossip of a small town. Everybody knows everybody, and this was a high profile man i became involved with. So now, everyone who knows me, him, his wife...what he did...what I did acts a certain way. Sometimes I get glares, sometimes uncomfortable glances. I don't know how to handle this social stuggle. I feel awful for my actions. If we could've done it differently, we would have. Noone knows the whole story, but oh my god, the judgements people have. It's terribly painful. I know i deserve it, but how do I handle it? I all I want to do is hide.

9:30 PM  
Anonymous disgruntledOW said...

All I want to say is, you are lucky that you haven't been in your situation for too long. Don't let it turn into years. I've been down that road, and it's definetely not worth the heartache. I can't even tell you how many times my heart would break everytime I saw him with her.

Nobody deserves to be put in this situation and for those of your out there that's even thinking about doing this, be careful because YES you will fall in love and once you're in its very...VERY hard to get out.

I wish you ladies luck in your situations and please get out while you can.

I know these guys are wonderful to you but you have to remember they are really only using you.

I hope I don't come across in a wrong way I just want you to know that the road ahead is only going to get worse. If I could do it again...I wouldn't.

1:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i know exactly what everyone feels like! im in exactly the same situation... dont no what to do! its been a year an a bit an yet things are still crap! and yes it is weird how he always seems to be with me an not her! i totally agree with you all!! at the end of the day none of us deserve to be treated 2nd best! i too have tried ending it but its so hard as we work together!! i dont no how many nights ive cried myself to sleep over him! thing is i dont even look at anyone else!! good luck everyone

8:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow!!! u really got yourself in a bad situation.. i know how u feel because this happened to me... But not only did this guy have a gf he was also my boyfriends best friend so neither one of us ever thought that we would fall for each other as we were both "happy" in our realtionships and seeing each other was for only one thing.
after seeing each other for over a year i started to have feelings for this guy and i couldnt stand seeing him with his girlfriend and would pick on her and start fights with her everytime i saw them together because it just hurt so much to see him with her!
in the end he couldnt stand my jelousy and told me straight out that he had no intentions of ever leaving his gf for me and would only continue to see me if it were a "no strings attached" relationship. In the end i had to walk away. that was a year ago and now when i look back cant belive how stupid i was to even let myself get into that situation!!
my boyfriend and i are still together althought the other guy and his gf broke up about 6 months ago.

3:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well.. This is all quite interesting.. and it's funny how things come around "full circle". My husband, 10 years ago, left me for another woman.. She was young, full of youth and beauty and quite frankly, in my husband's eyes, she was me 15 years earlier. I filed for divorced and started a new life with my two small children. I swore to myself, never date married men, soon to be divorced men, or anyone who is not available. Well fast forward 10 years to today. I was on an internet personals site for about a week, and was contacted by, what I thought, was an available man. We started "chatting", and through our conversations found out we shared a lot of similarities. I was not new the internet dating scene, and have dated men off the internet before. What I found strange is how long it took for him to ask to meet me, ask me for my phone number, last names, and all the other common place activities that happen in online dating.

He finally asked to meet me for lunch. We met, and hit it off in person, more so than on line. He was very attracted to me, and I was to him. We continued to "chat" online, and the following weekend we had our "first" official date. It was a wonderful evening.. dinner, drinks, and great conversation. As we walked back to our cars, he grabbed me and kissed me. When we spoke online the next morning, we both agreed what a fabulous time we had. We made plans to meet for lunch the following Tuesday.

He dropped the bomb on me during that lunch. He said, I need to tell you, I have been involved with a woman for the past year, and I realize that she is not the one I want to be with.

I told him, you do not get two women, you need to decide what it is you want. He said, "I just have a problem with confrontation." I said, you better decide, or I am gone. He said" I need time." "I have to figure out how to do this, and what I need to say." We stayed in contact, and I wasn't as warm to him as I was earlier. A week later, he contacted me, telling me he was a single man.

The problem??? How do you know if he is being honest. How do you know if he won't do this again? There are no guarantees, and we started out in a lie. My advice... find an available man. It hurts like hell, especially when you find someone you really connect with, and "want" to trust. I am just not sure if I can ever trust him. I am not sure if he ever "dumped" her. He's a great guy, except he really sucks at relationships.. Maybe that's why he has been married 3 times! :-)

Ladies good luck to you.. and may you find an AVAILABLE man of your dreams!

2:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I all know what you mean. I fell in love with my best friend a year or so ago and ever since its been heartbreak. I know shes there but when he talks about her it hurts, I feel like i dirty person but i have tried breaking it off so many times and to no avail, because i cant imagine life without him. I know i have no future with him unless something goes horribly wrong with her, but I cant do it :'(

2:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh ... I'm in the same situation. We met online over a year ago. Turned out we live in the same neighbourhood. We chatted on line for a few weeks and got along so well. So many similarities and I loved his sense of humour. Kind of quirky like mine. He was honest right from the beginning about have a live-in g/f. I had NO intentions of this going anywhere other than friendship so that was ok. I was so curious to meet him and invited him over. We had a great time talking all night. Absolutely nothing physical other than a hug. After that our chatting turned into phone calls, the odd get together for drives. Then he kissed me and I melted. It just went from there. He whispered in my ear that he wanted to make love but he was prepared to wait til I was comfortable. That didn't take long. Now a year later, incredible friendship, amazing sex and I am soooo in love.
I know why this type of relationship is working for me. I grew up with an abusive step-father and continued in abusive relationships. I finally left my ex many years ago vowing that I would never been in that type of situation again. But I guess my self-esteem isn't as good as I thought. This relationship today is "safe" for me. It allows me to get close to a wonderful man without the commitment issues.
But I do so want the commitment. I love him with all my heart.

7:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh my gosh, I am in the same situation..only this guy is engaged to be married at the end of this year. I knew it going into it too, but like everyone, I thought it was just going to be fun. Then it all starts, we are the same person and he wont be happy with her, unless thats just what he says. WHen we are together we have the greatest time and i have fallen in love with him. That scumbag even tells me that he loves me. I work with him too which makes it that much worse. I try to be strong and when I am it lasts for a couple weeks and then i get so mad that i cant be with him whenever I want to and it is only when it is on his terms. This bothers me and I know what I have to do. WHile i am in the midst of putting this mess to an end (its been 4 months) I just cant stop thinking about him and finding myself wanting to always be with him. I know I can make her happier than she can, but I dont want to be with him because he is a cheater. I am no angel. I have a boyfriend of 2 years. What is wrong with me guys? Its just so hard to let go of this guy. He has such an amazing personality and i honestly love him.

7:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't understand myself either. I met this guy late last year and we hit it off. I then saw his marriage license online (googled etc). I broke it off with him, but we got back together saying the he was once married. So we started seeing each other again and we really hit it off in so many levels... but his behaviour supports that he's not the divorcee that he said he was because he kept talking about "his sister"..his sister this..his sister that..the dinner that he had with his sister 10 years she would call him up while we're together..and then he would step she had a fight with him...and then the time he can find for me became less often, I never met "this sister". It sucks, but the more that I realize that I might be the other woman and that I am hurting and disrespecting an innocent woman - his wife, the thought just sickens me and pains me. I realize, he has some excuses as to why he could not see me - he must not care about me. But now I realize, because I'm not his wife; therefore, he really does not care..or even love me. I can't help but feel hurt about this but I realize, I don't even have the right to be hurt, being the other woman you know. I did this to myself, I should have not taken him back and placed myself in this situation. It's disappointing to realize that this special thing that I found was never really mine to begin with. It's unfortunate that he seems to know how to push the right buttons w/ me, enough to keep me around. I know there are better things for me out there, I know that I can be in a better situatiion. I could not make a mountain range out of anthill...I really am at the losing end of this deal and the best thing for me is to let him go. I don't understand why I even shed tears for a man who cheats on the woman who loves him. I don't want to ruin their marriage, I don't want him to leave his wife, I doubt if he will because , try as I might to look the other way (because I was in denial), I can tell that he loves her. To date, I am working on the strength to tell him that I will not buy into his lies anymore, that he had to let me go and vice versa. I may not find someone who would make me feel the way he does but that is ok, because if I were to stay around, I'd feel just as miserable because he can't be mine and all the time I'd be spending with him will be on borrowed ...stolen time. I hope I get to end it with him soon, and I hope he will wish me the best as I would w/ him, and hope that he will no longer disrespect his wife....anyway, good luck to all of you. Take care.

10:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i am currently in the same situation. when i met this guy i had a boyfriend (of 2 years) and he was single. after we hooked up a few times i decided i needed to figure things out with my boyfriend. so, cut ties with him. during this time (a month or so) he got involved with someone. my boyfriend & i have since broken up. this guy friend & i continue to see each other on a regular basis. i am not in love however, i have developed strong feelings for him. he has all the characteristics that i look for in men. i could seriously date him. when i bring up the girlfriend i feel like a hypocrit b/c i was involved with someone when this all started. i know he cares or he wouldn't be concerned about my feelings. this has been going on for about 6 months, he's been involved with her for 4 or 5 months.. he "claims" to have taken her virginity (at 23). i find this hard to believe, personally. when i ask how he feels about her he says he isn't in love with her, but he cares about her. if he isn't in love with her & wants to "get to know me on a different level", why is he still with her?

4:42 PM  
Anonymous shannon said...

OMG I have been stuck on reading about being the other woman lately just b/c I'm so damn fustrated with my situation and I guess I needed to know there are other women out there that know how it is. Everything I come across is with married men...
When I met him I was getting my car fixed and he took me to get a rental b/c they didn't finish my car in time. I thought he was a total jerk I was so pissed about the whole car thing so I was in a pissy mood when he picked me up from my house to take me to get the rental. He broke the silence talking to me about my 3 kids he had seen when I dropped the car off and telling me about his daughter. We had a good conversation and all. I went to get my car a few days later and he said the printer was down stop by in a few days and I could get the papers for the work done. SO I left
and returned a week later and he informed me he had been wanting to call me so I said why (HUH LOL) he was like well after our date to get the rental car I started laughing and gave him my number. We talked for a few weeks on the phone lots and hung out some. Nothing sexual at first then things turned sexual. Well I didn't know about his gf until a few months later and I was crushed when he told me about her like I knew about her the whole time. I was so upset with him and wanted nothing to do with him but I liked him so much that when he asked me to come at least talk to him I did. Well that was in March here we are in Aug almost Sept and I'm still seeing him. Being the other woman is soooooooooo hard it makes me nuts! I just didn't understand how he had a gf who didn't live with him but had keys to his house yet I'd spend the night with him and I spent so much time with him I just didn't understand I still don't understand! It does make me nuts when I send him a text and he can't even read it he just erases it so she can't see it cuz he's with her and he calls me later asking me what it said. I makes me nuts knowing he's with her or even worse when I'm at his house and she shows up banging on the door b/c he didn't answer his phone ( she doesn't have keys to the new apt) and I have to go hide in his roommates room that kills me the most! It's so hard I know I need to just leave him yet I can't I have no desire to be with another man I don't even look at other men I want nobody but him! URGGGGG it's so hard. I can't even tell u how many times I've cried over this man! I LOVE him and it's hard b/c I can't talk to anyone other then his roommate about him or I will get the same old I told you to leave him months ago speech from my few friends that knew about him.

5:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where do I begin to start? I guess I’ll launch off by saying that I have until the end of time said to myself that I would on no account date an individual who has children or ever get caught up in a relationship with someone who is wedded!!! It may come off as me being self-centered by saying that I would by no means date someone with children, but the explanation of why I feel this way is simply because I want my man for myself and I know that there will for ever and a day have a connection connecting my man and his baby mama if I preferred to be in a that circumstance. Second, as I had mentioned previously I said that I would by no means get caught up with someone who is in a relationship or married simply due to the fact that I know how it feels to be cheated on!!!

Well, I know I seem like a hypocrite by saying this, but I have been seeing a man for the past eight months and he is married! To make matters shoddier, he also has a child!!! I know! I know! What am I doing and what am I thinking?!! First of all I had met this man through a friend of mine one night when we were all out drinking at one of our hot spots that we go to. She told me that he was going to be joining us. I have never seen this man before, but I have heard a lot about him and about how good looking he was. When I seen him I didn’t think anything. We had a couple of drinks and danced to a couple songs and that was it. We had exchanged phone numbers and we text each other from time to time just saying hello and how is your day going. It’s funny how I bumped into him a few weeks later while I was doing some errands. Well, we decided to go have a couple of drinks and we were talking and I asked him if he was married and obviously I knew he was because I seen his wedding ring on his finger. I also asked him if he had any children and he said yes. I was fine with it all because I wasn’t intending for anything to happen between us besides just becoming friends!!! Later on in that week I had seen him again (isn’t that really strange) and I told him that my friends and I would be going out for a couple of drinks over the weekend and if he would like to meet up with us and he said he would try and make it. Well, he wasn’t able to meet up over the weekend because he said that he had a dinner to go to, but he said if I wanted to meet up with him and some of his friends and I said sure! So my friends and I had met up with him and we had a blast. Next thing you know we kissed and I’m not going to lie I really enjoyed it!!!! Next thing is that we’re talking on the phone, texting, and e-mailing each other a lot!!! Saying that we miss each other a lot and hoping that we can see each other soon!!!!!

To be honest I don’t know how I had let me feelings get involved!!!! I think I have fallen in love with him!!!! I know he will never leave his wife and I know that for a fact, but the things that he tells me about her just makes me upset!!!! Why would a woman who has an incredible husband treat him like a piece of dirt!!! I feel really sorry for him!!! Now what I have to realize also is that I’m only hearing his side of the story. I don’t actually know how he treats her, but he doesn’t seem the type to mistreat a woman.

He said he will never leave her because he loves his child and I know he loves his child deeply!!! I don’t deny his love for his wife because I’m sure their relationship isn’t completely bad!!! What am I supposed to do when I tell him that I want to see him, but he always makes excuses now? He says at times that he feels guilty and then we go our separate ways for a while and then things fire up again between us!!!! I just don’t know what to do! When I’m having a bad day just to hear his voice just brightens my world!!!! We just have a connection between us and we can talk to each other about anything and everything!!! When I don’t see or hear from him I yearn for his touch!!!! I’m always thinking of him and I dream of him constantly!!! I sit and think about things and imagine if he ever did leave his wife and thought about being with me would he do the same thing that he is doing to her!!!! Am I just his puppet where he feels can pull my strings and I am supposed to do as he says? I’m just so confused and I really don’t know what to do!!!! Someone please help me…..

~Fragile Heart

4:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you are such a fucking bitch.... u r a fucked up slut.. and he doesnt love u fr sure... coz if he loves u, what is stopping him from being with u?? The answer is that he only wants to hav fun, fuch u hard, and then he will dump guys should rot in hell and deserve to be in pain... i hope and pray that u guys are never happy

3:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

comments such as the latter is to be expected from angry girlfriends and angry wives who are foolish enough to be with a man who cheats on them

12:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

...and we "hope and pray" that you stay miserable and unhappy because your boyfriend/husband would be unfaithful to you because of "bitches" like these guys

12:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't understand why the person who left the comment under Fragil Heart is SO upset! Are you upset because your man is cheating on you? Don't take it out on anyone else. Everyone goes through these situations now a days and that's why I don't believe in marriage! To me maariage is just a paper but, there must be a REASON why men and women cheat!!! Maybe it's that the marriage just got boring, no communication, no excitment, no laughter, joy ect!!!! Don't be upset with these women because I can tell that even the other women hurts!!!! Everyone is the situation hurts!!!!!!

5:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I TRULY know how all of you feel I just wish you all the luck in the world and I wish you all happiness!!!!

9:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Glad i found this site to see i am soo not alone, yes I too am involved with a married man, the only difference i have found here is I am married too. Our relationship started off as what was supposed to be a one night stand. My husband left to the middle east for a year, (not to go to the military), no just go on vacation and visit his family. He did this once before and was gone for 9 months, so when he left this time, i felt hurt and abandoned even though he was not "leaven me", so after two weeks of him being gone, I went clubbing, as soon as i walked in i saw "him" from the back, needless to say I didnt take my eyes off him, we left together that night and had our one night, and thats all i wanted, it didnt end up that way, I told him he could have me for one year but then it would be over like we never even existed, my husband came back and i tried to break it off, but we fell inlove, madly and deeply. We both have repsonsibilites to other people, it is hard to know we can never be together, i know in my heart if were were to be it wouldnt work, because we both know the other one is capabale if infidelity, so for now we have our stolen moments, all I can say is I am in love with im and he feels the same, you cant help who your heart loves. take care all and good luck.

10:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've never come across so many sluts in one place.. Gawd!! get a life people!!! Do u seriously want to be with men who treat you like dirt? These men are only using you. They don't care about you one bit. Even if these married men were to leave their wives for you, is there any guarantee that they wont leave you for anyone else? You people are in pain because you deserve it. Have some amount of dignity in you. And before anyone judges me let me tell you that I am 55 yrs old, married my childhood sweetheart and have never dealt with infidelity. And I am being honest about it. So I am not a jealous Girlfriend or a jealous wife. And yes I think all you women who are involved with maried actually deserve what you've got. Pain and misery is actually what you've asked for. And please dont blame the guy. Its all your fault and you people are acting like hoars. Are your parents as fucked up as you are? Didn't they teach you a thing about morals? I hope your pain and agony continues

2:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just wanted to say you can't choose who you fall for. It can't be planned, and even sometimes it feels like you can't even controll who it is that you love. but what you can change is what will come

10:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i hate the other women that know about the wife or girlfriends when they get involved!! if you belive that the man will leave his wife/girlfriend you are wrong!! its always about sex and doing someting diffenent! and if he does leave her what to stop him from cheatin on you when he gets bored again!! ones a cheater always a cheater and if they is kids involved you other women need a bullet!!!

10:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just so you know, I hope you encounter all the pain and public humiliation you deserve. I was married once to a man I believed to be perfect. After 3 years I discovered he had a girlfriend on the side. The humiliation, pain and financial trouble I HAD TO DEAL WITH was astounding. In the end he begged and pleaded to "fix things" between us. I would rather piss on both of them than put myself in that spot again. If there is any justice in the world, karma will bite you in the ass about the same time his girlfriend gets a hold of you!

7:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i must confess, i've been going out with this guy for almost two months now. i knew from the start that he's taken. and i think two months are long enough for him to know his real feelings, by now, he should have decided already. if and only if he is really sincere about our relationship. if he really loves me, he could leave the other girl.but he just can't do it..and whenever i make a move breaking up with him, he becomes so sweet and i can't do something about it. sigh! one time, we were fooling around inside his condominium, his gf came, luckily the door was locked and she never insisted to come in. But still, i felt so scared, and i never want to be in that kind of feeling.ever again. But how am i suppose to leave him? Damn it!

7:37 AM  
Blogger Rally said...

we are in the same predicament. my girlfriend is separated but i am not and we do the same like what you are doing. i do fall in love with her and so she is. but our relationship is very much working and we do everything discreetly. it's great and full of joy but until when?

1:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm single. Today I dumped a guy who I have been seeing for the past 13 months. Was the usual story that you all tell... I was single, a little lonely and met everything I ever wanted in a man with the exception of him having a girlfriend (he lives with her). I was under no illusion that he would ever leave her and had no intention of ever asking him to. I tried to break it off 2wice before due to the guilt I had for him having a girlfriend but he talked me out of it, oh what a charmer. 3rd time lucky though (please angels give me strength). I did not end it because of the guilt of taking (occasionally) what was not mine and I apologise upfront to anyone out there who has been cheated on for having felt that way. I know it sounds ridiculous but I never wanted anyone to get hurt or her (his GF) to find out and have thankfully ended it without her being any the wiser. I hope she never does find out about me (I'm history now), but I suspect I'm not his 1st or last affair - poor, poor woman. What sealed the end for me was a feeling of having a lack of respect for myself, lying to my friends or family about what I was up to because I was ashamed to admit I had stooped so low; feeling like a 2nd class citizen who can only call or txt when its 'safe'; seeing a man who couldn't be proud of my existence - who couldn't (or simply didn't really want to) introduce me to his friends and family so that I could be a 'real' part of his life and vice versa; the thought of someone I don't even know (his GF) being the real one in control of my apparent 'relationship' with him. If things were so bad at home for this guy he would either try and fix them or get out. Why would he try and fix what he was already getting outside of the relationship from me? Take it from me ladies, if this guy really, truly loved and wanted you, he'd be with you and only you. I wish you all well, and myself the strength never to fall for it again!!!

7:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My immediate reaction is, Why in the world would you do that to another woman? If a man has a partner, back off! How hard is that to understand?

But thinking about it more, I realize that this guy probably doesn't have another girlfriend. Men use the idea of having a girlfriend so that they don't have to fully commit to the women they're messing around with. Honey, if he loved you as much as you love him, he'd ditch the (probably fictional) girlfriend and be with you. But he doesn't.

It's tough, but there are too many real victims in the world to spend any pity on a proud homewrecker.

12:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You ignorant person - try reading the text before leaving a comment. The only thing I'm proud of in the whole situation is that I did walk away from it!!!!!!!!!

6:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

its so comforting knowing that i'm not facing this situation alone. I get depressed thinking about my sitaution and Dealing with the fact that he has a girlfriend hurts but i put up with it because i think i'm in love with him. in the begining i tried not to get attached but that didn't work as i'm a sucker for things that make me happy and comforts me and makes me melt inside. the thing is i'm kinda confused. i dont want him to leave her as i wont be able to deal with the guilt and i dont think i want to be with him as i think if he can do it with me he can do it to me. sometimes i get mad and wish she would find out about us and leave him but i dont want to face her as she and i are on hi and hello terms. i care about him sooo much ...way more than i should but i hate myself for it. He says he likes me alot and thinks he's falling in love with me but i try not to think about it as i dont want to believe him or fall deeper than i already am. We spend loads n loads of time together, sometimes i wonder what time does he even have for her. If i didnt know better i would think he isnt even with anyone but thank goodness he was honest about it plus the entire neighbourhood knows...the 100 calls a day, tons of time together among everything else has me hooked..I dont know what to do..every try to break up with him has failed...i neeeed someone to help me get over him, i cant do it alone...

11:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is odd to find so many women in so many similar stories... Firstly let me say that I am not in a physical relationship of any kind, but in an emotional way I have a similar story.

My best friend and I would often hang out watching movies, talking about sport, having a few drinks together or writing songs until late in the early morning hours. We don't even have to talk, sometimes we just sit and look at the stars. We have a lot in common, we even play the same position on our football teams! We even study similar courses at university, him being a year ahead of me. Now it's easy to say we are close, really close (that's what best friends are) however nothing was ever in it. He has a girlfriend of a few years now and I have always known that, and have known my place from the start. I have never felt like I wanted to be with him emotionally or physically, until recently when he told me of his feelings for me.

A few months ago now, he told me that he "loved me" and that he wanted to be with me and not her. That he is only happy when around me; he even came home a day early to see me. I know this person from the inside out and I know he means what he says, he doesn't just take girls along for the ride. He said that for him it wasn't just a friendship anymore and wanted more, not so much in a physical way but a deeper emotional connection way. We talked about this for quite sometime, all the time I didn't tell him of my affections for him and to this day he still does not know. After talking about how he really feels, he lent in to kiss from which I turned away and allowed a mere hug only. It took so much strength to turn away, I mean knowing his feelings for me told me somewhere in my mind tell me its okay but I know better. There is no way in this world that I would allow his "love" (no matter how deep) for me ruin our friendship or his relationship with his girlfriend. I have seen over the years how much she loves him and does so undoubtly.

It's been awhile now, but everytime he can he tells me how he feels, what he wants and that it is so close to breaking it off, making it harder for me to turn away. He often leaves messages in songs he writes. But I know in my heart that I couldn't be with him even if he did, beside the fact that I love him and my heart says go for it. He has tried a few times to kiss me, each time I have backed off, each time getting harder to resist. I know in his heart she is the only one who belongs there whether he thinks this or not. Our friendship is strong and our love for each other knows it's boundries. Maybe sometime in the future we will be together but I will not force it or go behind another woman's back and her love for a man to steal a kiss, it's not worth it. No one wins. If it's "meant to be" then it will in due course.

The heart is too much of a precious thing to play with it's affections, it's emotions are strong and sometimes unforgiving. Sometimes in life I have found so far is that things are better left untouched, some things are merely there to test our strength when it comes to temptation.

I turned away and I'm only 19.

10:08 AM  
Anonymous generic cialis 20mg said...

Hello, I do not agree with the previous commentator - not so simple

12:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

reading these posts amazes me, I just don't understand how all of these women can be so stupid...and really selfish too - you start in with these men to serve your own needs and then you blame them for serving theirs but then you keep letting them do it.
These are first date questions - are you married or do you have a girlfriend? If he does, then you don't get involved. Find soemone else, have some class. Don't have sex with a guy if you don't know his last name, where he lives, and where he works. it's always amazing to me that a woman can have sex with a guy and then find out after that he's married. Hey, maybe you should have waited until you actually knew the guy, what a concept. Try having accountability ladies and taking responsibilites for your own actions. Of course a guy is going to be happy to come over, have sex with you, and not have to do real relationship things with you, if you let him. Grow up and wake up. They aren't leaving their wives or girlfriends, and if they do then they'll probably do the same thing to you when they get bored of you. as a man, that's the best advice i can give you

12:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I dont like all the negative posts!. I dont think anyone should judge anyones actions ! Everyone makes mistakes they arent so proud of , And who the fuck are you to judge someone for thier actions. Nobody perfect and if we all were the world would be a boring place. With the other woman , it takes two to make happen. So she not the only one at fault. It's a loose loose for everyone and someone always gets hurt. This site is for woman who need to get thier story out! And to find some comfort in other women
who are going threw the same thing. Cause being the other woman is actually a really lonely place to be. So for any of you haters out there need to be respectful and mind your own business !! Obviously you don't have life !! Or you assume something going in your relationship. Why else would you google confessions of the other woman??? Get a life! Get over it! Fix your relationship! And Forgive! Cause you will be hater all your life!! Why waste such time when life so short in the first place. I know how these woman feel In the same boat. my story more complex. Ive got my self way to deep in this mud and don't know to get out! So I feel for you ladies! Be strong and follow your mind first then your heart!

11:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You guys are ALL operating out of self centeredness. If the guy is married or with someone, why on earth would you do that to another person? Even if you don't know the wife/girlfriend, it is still wrong! Just because you don't know her, does that make it allright? Do you go steal from someone's purse all their money, and it's ok to do that, since you don't know her? Let me tell ALL of you, if you date a married/committed man, you have low self esteem, and you are allowing some two timin' loser to use you. If he cheats on her, he will cheat on you. period. is this what you want for yourselves? is this what you are willing to settle for? Value yourself, place yourselves on a pedastal, and stop allowing some cheat, to give you less than what you should be getting in a relationship. Take care of yourselves!!! Cause no selfish two timin' liar is going to do it for you, it is up to you to draw lines and have boundaries. Wake up, before the guy really leaves his girlfriend/wife and you're the one stuck with him.

12:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

call it it selfishness, self centredness or whatever you want, you dont know whats really going on until you find yourself in such a situation, you can even say never, not me but never say never...i do not judge or call names but pray for strength for all the ladies who are in these relationships with someone elses man to leave and wait for your own...i am writing an article for a magazine on the other woman and so im researching on brother heart goes out to you are not worth being second to anyone...i believe there is no formula or set principle to love but every individual should work on some individual principles...they protect you...guard your heart have the power in you...

4:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Excuse me, but y do the women always get blamed? In most situations, the men don't tell the truth about their marriage from the beginning! And its the men who are cheating on their wives, not us!

1:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


11:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The heart wants what the heart wants but believe me the man is saying the same sweet things to this wife or GF. Who would want a cheater? The statistics say that 75% of marriages that start with adultery end in divorce, who would want to marry a man with a proven track record of betraying the people they commit to? Will you be able to trust that he is working late or will you wonder if he has someone on the side? If a person is in a bad relationship they can be a real man and end it before starting a new relationship. Wouldn’t you want that if you were the wife or Girl friend?

4:55 PM  

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